How my book came about...

MotherLoad to MotherLove: How my book came about

I began writing MotherLoad to MotherLove in 2007 as a mother of one (Lily). The book was first conceived in the form of a series of articles I was publishing on a relatively unknown mother’s website. Exhausted, overwhelmed and desperately seeking a connection with other mums, I did what I know best to do: I wrote about it.

When I looked back at these first articles in late 2008 and began turning these into chapters I realised my writing – although highly amusing (to me anyway) – was far from truthful. I had been writing for an audience, (a habit I’d found hard to shake with my background in Public Relations and corporate writing). Then, I did something really silly:.I asked the universe for inspiration, for something deeper and more real in my writing, something worth sharing.

Be careful what you ask for. In January 2009 the universe sent me a full-on breakdown and a pregnancy complete with regular and severe panic attacks. As frightening as the first half of 2009 was, the breakdown proved to be the breakthrough I needed to get raw and real. It shattered my shell and broke me open to a whole new way of writing and living.

Of course I didn’t know that at the time and spent the next few months off the keyboard, licking my wounds and preparing to be a mum again. On September 21, 2009, along came our beautiful Amy. Her sister Lily was thrilled, as were we. As far as I was concerned, my new busy life as a mother of two meant the book would have to be ‘shelved’ for a while, atleast until I could surface from the sea of sleep deprivation.

But the universe had other plans. Through the exhaustion and the tantrums (mine), the book kept tapping me on the shoulder and sending me to the keyboard. The more exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed I felt with my newfound load, the more my I was drawn to write about it – the truth – through the wee hours of the morning.

The rawer my writing became, the faster it flowed, and the less editing I did. This book is my attempt to lighten my own load of motherhood – the guilt, the burden, the frustration – and to find a way not just to endure but to enjoy this journey.

I wanted to find less time yelling and resenting, more time loving and laughing in my life. I wanted to fins some way to be less sleep deprived and more energized. Most importantly, I wanted to find a way to end the struggles of my everyday life and ‘go with the flow’, no matter how exhausted I felt. (Quite a challenge for a self-confessed control freak!)

The therapeutic effects of writing this book have been incredible. I feel as though I shedded my old skin through these chapters. And I have no doubt it was my own authentic form of post-natal expression that kept my head above water in those emotionally and hormonally charged first months of motherhood.

What I discovered early on in this writing journey was that there was only one way to lighten the ‘MotherLoad’ I was carrying: to journey towards my own truth. The truth really was the only way to set myself free, to find love and liberation.

This is my story...