Tresillian saves the day...

...and my sanity...and probably my family.
Four nights at Tresillian has changed my life. I've just spent four intensive days and nights under the angelic wings of Tresillian staff at their residential facility in Penrith. It was a weird Twilight Zone experience in a way as it's right next to the hospital where I was born and gave birth to Amy. It's just off the street I grew up on and once upon a time on the same grounds was the preschool I attended.
My time there with 8 1/2 mth old Amy was brilliant. It was like spending time with a bunch of caring aunts who had all the time and knowledge in the world, but yet still let bub and I work at our own pace.
When they asked me what I wanted like: 'what time would YOU like to wake up in the morning?' I was a little shocked. I thought it was all about bub and what she needed. It was refreshing to see they were interested in what I wanted for bub and me too.
The first night was bloody hard. She cried for a whole hour, with plenty of tears and some soothing and settling from me. What was great was that the staff were right there with me at settling time and encouraged me to do what felt right for me. They encouraged me to start using my instinct again and watch and listen to my bub - instead of watching the clock.
They also ran brilliant courses. I went to three: stress management, toddler tactics and connecting with your baby. These were all fantastic and were a great time to get honest with a bunch of mums (and some dads) with nothing to lose and everything to gain!
There was one couple with twin six month old boys, a couple of almost three year olds with expectant mums, an exhausted single mum and some very stressed parents. I was in good company and sharing our stories really helped lighten the load.
As the days went on there was a common chorus of gratitude not only for sleep and support, but for the growing confidence. Focusing solely on bub for four days - not housework, food prep, etc - was a gift. I started to see how she behaved and understand what she needed. And, for the first time in months, I was really enjoying her company. When she woke I loved seeing her again and playing with her, spending time together.
(Several parents agreed with my verdict that it was nice to want to see and spend time with bub rather than sighing or swearing each time you hear them wake - yet again - for your attention).
Amy progressed really quickly and on day two she took only a few minutes to settle. By day three she was sleeping 12 - yes you heard it folks, 12 hours - at night and about 3 hours during the day. She was no longer needing the breast to sleep, self settled beautifully and ate like a trooper!
Not all the bubs and toddlers around us responded that quickly. Some took a little longer and others seemed to improved then went backwards a little. Aparently that's pretty normal and I think in the scheme of things Amy was just really ready. So I'm grateful for the outcome. All the parents I spoke to, even those whose bubs weren't quite there, felt they had so much more information and confidence to work towards a better night's sleep. A couple of mums I connected with extended their stay by a couple of days in order to get a little more prepared before heading home.
It was an absolute priveledge to cross path with other mums and dads walking the parenting path and doing whatever they can to save their sleep, their sanity and their families/ marriages.

The day I returned home, I headed out to the shops to pick up a few things and the U2 song 'It's a beautiful day' came on the radio. I cranked it up and sang my heart out, tears of relief and joy rolling down my face. I pulled into my mum's house (on the way) for a cuddle and was so overwhelmed I could hardly speak. When my poor neices asked 'what's wrong with auntie Lyndal?' my mum answered: 'Amy's sleeping at last!'.
I've got my mumjo back!!!!!!!!!!!
Even in these first few days at home, I can already see I'll have more time for Lily in th evenings(turning 7 on Friday). There's already more predictability and laughter in our house, less stress and arguements. All is well in our world, for now...
Tresillian's website: http://www.tresillian.net/
24 hour helpline: 9787 0855/ 1800 637 357

Angry Foods

After spending about 10 days avoiding some of the foods I'd read can affect MOOD, I noticed an incredible difference in my mood. I was far less moody and angry. Despite being up several times a night with Amy's tooth number four and feeling quite exhausted during the day, I still felt cool and calm.
Then one night Bob and I both had some spicy food and later that night, when Amy demanded our attention, we were at each other's throats. And, when I ate out Chinese last Thursday, I woke with a food 'hangover' and in a really bad mood. I was snappy for 48 hours.
Even last night when I had some chocolate, I instantly got a headache and felt quite irritable last night and today.
Someone asked me the other day where do you start, because the food/ mood thing is so big. My answer to her was the same as the food/mood and food intoolerance websites: keep a food/ mood diary.
I've decided to do that for myself for the next month so I can get a clearer picture of things. (Can be tricky with food intolerances as the reactions can be delayed by 48 hours). Anyhow, bit of work, but after boticing the difference in the last little while I think it's worth it!
Will report back on my diary in a month.

Foods and Moods

Came across a really interesting article in issue # 126 of WellBeing Magazine about foods and moods. It was timely as I'm on a mission to 'Tame the Dragon' (dragony fire-breathing sleep deprived bitch) I've been for a way too long now.
The article looked at British studies, one of which is The Food and Mood project, which ran from 1998 to 2009, looking at the links between diet and nutrition and mental and emotional health.
Subjects saw reductions in anxiety, depression, mood swings, food cravings and PMS. And a new study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry (2009) suggests food should play a greater role in preventing depresssive disorders.
Neoru-psychological symptoms or illnesses that can be caused or worsened by foods included: mood swings, behavious disorders, anxiety and panic attacks, hyperactivity, poor memory, concentration, sleep disorders, migraine, poor co-ordination, numbness & tingling and fatigue.
Apart from the obvious culprits of food additives, preservatives we hear so much about in relation to children and behaviour, of greatest surprise was the effect 'healthy foods' such as milk, wheat and - for some people - things such as broccoli, corn, cheese and tomatoes.
The article has some really useful information on how to load up on mood enhancing vitamins and minerals and points clearly to folate (thought this was only important before/ during pregnancy), B6 and B12, and iron as well as omega 3 and 6. Also talked about foods for concentration, relaxation and energy, as well as the greatest depressors (processed meat, chocolate (NO!!!), sweets, fried foods, refined foods and high-fat dairy, alcohol).
Now, all of this can be a bit overwhelming. I know six years ago when I developed a 'intolerance' to Amines, a natural chemical found in loads of foods, I found it all a little too daunting to deal with. (I wasn't aware 'till recently that women of child-bearing age are more susceptible to food intolerances because of the hormonal influence).
I did the elimination diet in order to identify the amine problem but after that I simply used my skin as a measure. If I wasn't breaking out in hives or large welts, unattractive swollen eyes, or the odd botox-looking lip, I thought I was OK.
But, now I'm thinking the skin was my body's most dramatic way of showing me it didn't like what I was eating. (Incidently, amines are found in all my favourite foods: chocolate, wine, cheese, avocado, tomato, olives, oilve oil, take-away Thai).
I'm now wondering whether the 'panic attacks' that started at the beginning of my pregnancy last year could have been at least partly the result of diet. And whether the post-natal depression I've experienced with Amy was due at least in part to my diet, or could have been reduced somewhat through my diet. After all, I've been freely eating chocolate, avos, tomatoes, olive oil with no obvious physical side effects.
As for the mental/ emotional side, according to the Food Intolerance Network, eating the foods your body can't tolerate well can lead to: headaches, anxiety, depression, lethargy, panic attacks, irritability, restlessness, mood swings. Well, that's been me in a nutshell (a nut in a nutshell!)
Then there's the LIVER to consider. The Chinese call the liver the army seargeant and the 'seat of anger'. An unhappy liver can cause severe emotional distress, resulting in mood swings, irritability, depression, dizziness, headaches, even suicidal tentencies.
So, if you or your kids are showing signs of any of the above, and your instinct tells you it might be something to do with food, you might want to look at:

• Issue 126 of WellBeing Magazine


• Checking out the Food Intolerance Network


• Getting a copy of the UK Foods & Moods poster (for less than $5)


• Doing the Livercare online questionnaire (Dr Sandra Cabot's)


• Checking out the Mood Disorders Unit at the Prince of Wales Hospital, known as Black Dog
  
• Reading the Mind Guide to Food and Mood
• Reading the online WellBeing article on Beating PND naturally

In the meatime, I've simply cut out chocolate, cheese and wheat for three days and can't believe how much clearer my head is...and the dragony fire-breathing bitch has retreated to her cave (for now, anyway!).

Lyndal

Let the sunshine in...into the dragon's cave

Woke this morning after a crazy teething night. Can't tell you what happened at what hour because it's all a mad blur. All I do know is we emerged from the cave at around 5.50am to start the day. Despite rising 2 1/2 hours before leaving the house, it was still a mad rush to get out on time for school/ work. When I returned to it at 2pm, it looked like someone had broken in and wrecked the place searching for something of value.
Any way, back to 5.50am. When I finished breastfeeding and dragged myself out of bed I left the girls and Bob in bed and went upstairs hoping to find 10 minutes of peace and quiet before the turning on the treadmill of the school day rush.
I stepped onto the verandah and immediately fell into the cosy warmth of the sun. I'd grabbed my yoga mat on the way with the intention of ironing out some of the breastfeeding creases from the night before.
With my first breath and stretch I started the usual self-talk: 'Better make the most of these few minutes because you've got a 15 hour day ahead of you before Robert's back home and, frankly, I don't know how the hell you'll make it through!'
I could feel the dragon emerging (the dragony fire-breathing bitch of sleep deprivation). Only this time I stopped it in its tracks. I turned to the sun, soaked in its light and beautiful warmth and breathed in the possibility of a new day.
'No matter how exhausted I feel today, I accept whatever the day chooses to give to me. And I'll be grateful for it.' I almost instantly felt my shoulders loosen and my back iron out. I felt freed from the burden of exhaustion and decided then and there that, despite the plans I had for the day, if the opportunity presented itself, I'd lay down and rest. It did and I did. Amy and I mamanged a short nap together in the afternoon.
We left the house an absolute mess that morning and for the first time in a long time, I didn't take ownership of it. At 5pm it still looked that way and all that mattered was that we were all fed and watered and loved.
Besides. mufti day tomorrow and I'd rather spend the evening having fun helping Lily organise her outfit than stress about the mess we'll be stepping over.

The dragon sleeps another day...

Lyndal

Postnatal expression

My baby girl Amy has just turned seven months. She's a happy healthy girl, growing in leaps and bounds. First time around (Lily, now nearly aged 7), I returned to full-time work early and didn't take time out to join a mother's group or enjoy any me-time activities.
In the early months after Amy's arrival, there was many a day and week when I felt I was drowning in depression. Despite being a second time mum, I felt hopeless, helpless. My partner, Robert, spent 4 hours a day commuting, so it was quite normal for me to do a 14 - 18 hour day as a single parent.
I knew what (PND) signs to look for. I knew my pregnancy panic attacks might make me more susceptible. And I had all the local community help/ support information at hand. For some reason, though, I fought to keep my own head above water and lean on Robert for help.
But when the door opened for me to join a mother's group with a creative twist I jumped at it. Held at the local community centre, the fortnightly gatherings involved 2 1/2 hrs of open discussion and a some form of simple creative expression, such as collage or painting (all for $6!). Just days after my first attendance, I received a call from a local potter running classes just two streets from my house. I had enquired six months earlier and she was following up to offer me a class spot. I jumped at that too.
It's been three months since I started and I truly believe both classes have been life saving. It's breathed new life into my writing (my book), and given me vital time to freely explore and express a whole other side of myself. The benefits of taking regular time out for me and focusing on simple, positive and creative stuff has been incredible.
And it's got me wondering...what are other mums getting from creative projects that are keeping their heads above water? Can creative expression reduce post natal depression?
Lyndal

How to tame your dragon

I recently had a three week stint of my 6 month old waking 5-6 times a night. And let me tell you, with just a few hours of broken sleep under my belt I was nothing short of a fire-breathing dragony bitch!!!
Every person I spke to about this - including my trusted psychologist - ensures me sleep deprivation is nothing short of torture and that any bitchiness is completely understandable. It wasn't just my shrinking other half who copped it, and my beautiful girls: basically anything and everything in my path. It was off-road road rage. I hated all pens that didn't work, all batteries that dared flatten in my presence, weather that changed, birds that sang too loudly!
I was sleeping in my baby girl's room in order to keep an eye (and both ears) on her. The idea was that I'd pat her peacefully back to sleep through the night and avoid the frequent (teething) waking episodes of the previous few weeks. The results were disastrous. I woke with every grunt, squirm and wimper and spent more time smothering than mothering.
After four nights in a row of this and four very ugly, dragony mornings, I decided to focus on ME and MY SLEEP. I moved back into my room, pulled out my favourite pre bed meditation CDs and put in my favourite earplugs at around 8.30pm. She slept beautifully, as did I. ..for four nights running.
So, I stopped breathing fire and started singing Justine Clark's (PlaySchool fame) 'I'm a Happy Dog!' at the breakfast table while bouncing on my exercise ball between mouthfuls of bub's breakfast. The sun was out again, the mum-storm had passed.
But it all got me thinking. Early nights and pre-bed meditations can make the world of difference. But the fact is, Amy's only 7 months and I have alot of teeth, tantrums and long nights ahead of me. Am I too old for all this? Tough titties...I need to tackle the fire breathing dragon in me head-on. Did I lose all my patience with bub number 1? Again, tough titties!
Even if my mum friends and psychologist think it's completely justified and understandable, doesn't mean I'm happy about it, or that I think it's OK that my daughter's just confessed to me her ONE biggest wish would be that daddy and I weren't cranky ever again. (Just a week off would probably keep her happy).
So, I've decided to do what I can to 'tame the dragon' in me, find a way to deal with the motherload of babydom and sleep deprivation. I'm searching for answers, for a smoother road...I'll let you know what I find along the way.

Lyndal

How my book came about...

MotherLoad to MotherLove: How my book came about

I began writing MotherLoad to MotherLove in 2007 as a mother of one (Lily). The book was first conceived in the form of a series of articles I was publishing on a relatively unknown mother’s website. Exhausted, overwhelmed and desperately seeking a connection with other mums, I did what I know best to do: I wrote about it.

When I looked back at these first articles in late 2008 and began turning these into chapters I realised my writing – although highly amusing (to me anyway) – was far from truthful. I had been writing for an audience, (a habit I’d found hard to shake with my background in Public Relations and corporate writing). Then, I did something really silly:.I asked the universe for inspiration, for something deeper and more real in my writing, something worth sharing.

Be careful what you ask for. In January 2009 the universe sent me a full-on breakdown and a pregnancy complete with regular and severe panic attacks. As frightening as the first half of 2009 was, the breakdown proved to be the breakthrough I needed to get raw and real. It shattered my shell and broke me open to a whole new way of writing and living.

Of course I didn’t know that at the time and spent the next few months off the keyboard, licking my wounds and preparing to be a mum again. On September 21, 2009, along came our beautiful Amy. Her sister Lily was thrilled, as were we. As far as I was concerned, my new busy life as a mother of two meant the book would have to be ‘shelved’ for a while, atleast until I could surface from the sea of sleep deprivation.

But the universe had other plans. Through the exhaustion and the tantrums (mine), the book kept tapping me on the shoulder and sending me to the keyboard. The more exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed I felt with my newfound load, the more my I was drawn to write about it – the truth – through the wee hours of the morning.

The rawer my writing became, the faster it flowed, and the less editing I did. This book is my attempt to lighten my own load of motherhood – the guilt, the burden, the frustration – and to find a way not just to endure but to enjoy this journey.

I wanted to find less time yelling and resenting, more time loving and laughing in my life. I wanted to fins some way to be less sleep deprived and more energized. Most importantly, I wanted to find a way to end the struggles of my everyday life and ‘go with the flow’, no matter how exhausted I felt. (Quite a challenge for a self-confessed control freak!)

The therapeutic effects of writing this book have been incredible. I feel as though I shedded my old skin through these chapters. And I have no doubt it was my own authentic form of post-natal expression that kept my head above water in those emotionally and hormonally charged first months of motherhood.

What I discovered early on in this writing journey was that there was only one way to lighten the ‘MotherLoad’ I was carrying: to journey towards my own truth. The truth really was the only way to set myself free, to find love and liberation.

This is my story...